There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
