Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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