Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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