apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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