best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
