I met the friendliest cop last night
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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