Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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