i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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