xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The power of my boobs compel you
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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