She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
