thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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