Where are you?
In a non slutty way
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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