How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
