i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
