ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
