your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
