i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
