oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
