I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
