...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
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Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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