can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
