Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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