he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
