he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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