I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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