i jhust puked up my retainher.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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