I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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