I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
