My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
