The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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