So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
