that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
