Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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