goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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