Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
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