I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
