Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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