I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
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You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
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i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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