I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
