Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
