so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
