theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize