I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
