Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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