one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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