my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
