Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
