So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
