I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
