I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
