I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
