Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
