I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
