apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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