I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
