It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
