dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
