you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
