So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
