I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
