I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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