If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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