Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
