Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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