Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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