i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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