i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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