put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Dear god my vagina.
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