its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
