OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
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I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
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Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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