I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
