you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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