You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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