Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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