I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
